Maybe that doesn't seem like a big deal, maybe five months (and three days and approximately sixteen hours) doesn't constitute a long term relationship, and my response to the event has been over dramatic and excessively emotional. There are so many things that I could have experienced which would be so much worse, and indeed I have experienced worse in the past. This all may be true, but as a seventeen year old, I am naturally a little insecure, hormonal, not exactly emotionally sound and relatively new to the world of dating and relationships. As seventeen year old me, even experiencing the most amicable break up of anyone I've ever met, it's a big deal.
My dear friends (and moreover my Twitter followers) have had a lot to deal with. Yes, I have moaned and yes, I have cried. I have craved chocolate and mashed potato and tea at any hour of day or night, and I've leaned heavily on a couple of loyal individuals for emotional support.
Friends have reminded me that God makes beauty from pain and that he's got hold of my situation, and this is so true - and what I love most about it, is how surprising God's been about it. It's not just that I've learnt that my friends are here for me, or that not all break ups have to be icy, or that I've improved my relationship with my mother or that I've been able to reflect upon the good that's come from the relationship. These things are so great. They are definitely things I can testify to have happened in my life, seemingly due to having been through this break up, but the way God really spoke to me was through what I'd like to call teeny tiny mega blessings.
Teeny tiny mega blessings included things like unexpected lovely text messages, a cup of tea with a very important woman and role model in my life, a box of chocolates from two beautiful friends an a Galaxy bar from another, a friendship blossoming with a girl in a similar situation, some lovely hugs, a wonderful Skype call, an out-of-the-blue day of unbreakable happiness, some brilliant feedback on my writing, a new devotionals book and a million tiny happy coincidences.
To have received so many of these blessings, from the biggest down to the barely noticeable, was such sunshine in my life. Through the times where I've really felt down, there's been some windows with light streaming through, and God made it clear in my heart that that was him. So often have I felt like I need to be wrapped up in a duvet and given a big hug, and that's exactly what it's felt like to have such lovely little pieces of love poured out upon me.
I didn't want to use words like "pain" in this article because I don't want to make out like I'm underprivileged or that I've gone through anything unusual or really that bad, but God hasn't judged that at all. God knows the pain in the hearts of so many people who are experiencing things that I couldn't ever imagine, and when I think about that, suddenly I feel guilty for ever feeling sorry for myself. But these thoughts don't cross through the Lord's mind - he feels my own sadness and he's used it for my good and taken an opportunity to bless me so much more than I deserve, never comparing me to those who are hurting more than I am.
He sees me now, and he loves me now.
My prayer is God will use me for teeny tiny mega blessings in the lives of other people as well as "bigger" blessings just like he's used so many other people to be a blessing in my life.
Thank you, little world of mine, and above all, thank you Jesus.
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